So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
