Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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