4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize