The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
