i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
