I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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