drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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