I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
