I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
