dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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