your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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