So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
