I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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