Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
