but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
