YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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