he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
