Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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