So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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