I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize