Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
