I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
