We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
