Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
