I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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