Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
