she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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