I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
