i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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