Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
