Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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