When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
