i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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