I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You may now shotgun with the bride
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
