I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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