Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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