He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
