I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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