At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
