i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize