ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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