C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Plan B is the new Plan A
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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