i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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