Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize