I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
