I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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