there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
