I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
