He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
