If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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