They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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