Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
