He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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