Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
