that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
