White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
