I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
