Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
