I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
