i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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