there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
