3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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