i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
