Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
