I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
