Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
