All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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