I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
