her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
