I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
