"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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