I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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