That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
