Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
