Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
