I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
