I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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