Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
