I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
