the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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