I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
